Level

I would like to think I know a little about everything. Did you know that China owns all the Panda bears? Literally all of them. If you see one in a zoo, it is a leased panda. Or that as kidney failure increases so does the likelihood of gangrene, adult diabetic form of SIDS(sudden instant death syndrome), blood sugars become increasingly less manageable,the risk of heart attack and strokes.
All of you probably know by now that sleep and I used to be friends. I had to block her when Tim was diagnosed. Which at the time was ok because Lincoln was a fresh new baby and I never sleep the first year anyway… SIDS is the culprit here. I hate the idea of SIDS. The fear is paralyzing.
Fear. I know a lot about fear. Watching my husband struggle to do his morning pee(sorry folks) , it takes him forever now. Watch him count his tiny pills that are keeping him here. Listening to him sleep, while I lay there watching the fan turn, waiting for him to go low.
This disease is destroying everything. I can’t sleep,eat,relax. I have always been uptight I know this. But now? Eh I can’t relax ever. I am like my families own secret soldier waiting for battle. Be it battling Tim to drink some juice( he is very combative when he is low) be it telling him to calm down and go rest when he is high(blood sugars) while trying to keep the circus kids quiet. Battling the pharmacy to actually give me the medications.
I am so tired.
So is Tim
That’s also part of the disease. His constant fatigue. Last Thursday he wiped down the doors(4 of them) and was so exhausted he took a four hour nap. Four minutes of movement and he was staggering to his room like he had ran a marathon.
Documenting everything is also tiresome. I document everything,liquid intake, output, how many hours he sleeps and is active(ew)his cuts and bruises(color shape and why), blood sugars, protein,carb, sodium, potassium , phosphorus intake, how his nails look, how he smells( this is always fun) and then I take that and compare it to his labs.
I finally broke down and offered him my kidney.
He said no because of my babies. He said no. I offered and he refused. He said what I had been saying” you have three babies who you are a perfect match for, why risk potential for them for me? You told me when we met your baby(ies) come first”
So now you know. Now it isn’t my fault. I offered. I told him to take it(no one tells Tim what to do… )
Thursday we found out his levels. He has remained level for now. We also found out more about how much this new life will cost us.
Then another bomb… I’m sick as well. No graphic details… You really probably don’t want know. Our meal list gets to change again though and I need to figure out how manage without any medical.
Please pray for us, I need a job ASAP. We have so much going out to keep us afloat and not as much coming in. We need prayer.